Perfect
by Collegekid2006
Summary: A songfic. A look at Henry and Shawn's relationship. Chapter 2 is the same fight from Henry's POV. Song: Right Here by Staind. Chapter 3: The Reason by Hoobastank
1. Chapter 1

**_Hey Dad! Look at me!  
Think back and talk to me  
Did I grow up according to your plan?_**

The engine on Shawn's bike drowned out his raging thoughts.

Another day, another fight.

Why did he bother?

It was always the same.

Henry and Shawn: polar opposites.

Oil and Water.

Ying and Yang.

Movie Theatre Butter Popcorn and Pineapple flavored jellybeans.

It was never going to change.

They would never see eye-to-eye.

___** And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?  
But it hurts when you disapprove all along**_

They thundered in Shawn's ears.

All the words they had spoken to each other in anger.

All the things they said that they didn't really mean.

All the things they said that they did mean.

All the things they said that now they could never take back.

**_And now I try hard to make it  
I just want to make you proud  
I'm never gonna be good enough for you_**

**_I can't pretend that I'm alright___**

"Grow up, Shawn."

"It's…adequate."

"When I was on the force, the two things I hated most in this world were psychics and private investigators."

"You can do better than that."

"Think about it, Shawn! Use your brain!"

"Is that the best you can do?"

And that one was just Henry's commentary on Shawn's homemade Father's Day present.

When he was five.

___**And you can't change me  
'Cuz we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect  
Now it's just too late and  
We can't go back  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect**_

The world was flying by now as Shawn accelerated even more.

It was nothing but a blur.

Just the way he liked it; dangerous, fast, and everything slightly out of focus.

___**I try not to think  
About the pain I feel inside  
Did you know you used to be my hero?  
All the days you spent with me  
Now seem so far away  
And it feels like you don't care anymore**_

Did he really used to wear his dad's police hat and badge around the house, playing cops and robbers with Gus?

Did he really used to dream about being a cop?

Did he really ever imagine he could ever make his dad proud?

Did he ever really imagine he could be good enough for Henry Spencer?

___  
** And now I try hard to make it  
I just want to make you proud  
I'm never gonna be good enough for you  
I can't stand another fight**_

"If you want to arrest the bad guys, Shawn, do it with a badge."

"Congratulations, Kid. You just hit the disappointment exacta."

___  
** And nothing's alright  
'Cuz we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect  
Now it's just too late and  
We can't go back  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect**_

Shawn could still hear the echo of the screen door slamming behind him.

Like it had slammed a thousand times before.

Like it would slam a thousand more times to come.

As long as he lived, that door would always be slamming behind him.

Henry would always be staring out it at him, his arms crossed, scowling.

It would never change.

___  
** Nothing's gonna change the things that you said  
Nothing's gonna make this right again  
Please don't turn your back  
I can't believe it's hard  
Just to talk to you  
But you don't understand**_

His cell phone was vibrating.

He ignored it.

Why start another fight now?

_____**  
'Cuz we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect**_

He came to a screeching stop.

Somehow, he never knew how, he had ended back up at the house.

He pulled into the driveway.

Why did he always end up back here?

No matter how far he ran, he always ended up back here.

_____  
** Now it's just too late and  
We can't go back  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect**_

Henry was still standing in the doorway, his arms still crossed.

'Cuz we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect  
Now it's just too late and  
We can't go back  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect____

Shawn left his helmet on the seat and strolled back up to the door.


	2. Chapter 2

**I know I've been mistaken  
But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made**

Henry stood in the doorway, watching in rueful silence as Shawn peeled out of the driveway.

It was always the same story with that kid.

It was always all Henry's fault.

**  
I've got some imperfections  
But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face?**

It was the same song Shawn always sang.

He wasn't supportive…

He didn't understand…

He didn't try hard enough…

He tried too hard…

It didn't matter what Henry did. It was always his fault.

Just excuses, of course.

Shawn always had plenty of those.

Excuses…

Scapegoats…

But Henry was his favorite.

"It doesn't matter if I act like an idiot…I had a lousy Dad…"

**  
But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting  
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting  
And if you chose to walk away, I'd still be right here waiting  
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting**

Henry remained at the door, staring into space, long after the dust from the fleeing motorcycle had settled back to earth.

He knew Shawn would come back, looking to bury the hatchet.

He always came back.

Eventually.

It took him three years to come back once…

But even then, he had come back.

Eventually...

And Henry would be waiting right there when he did.

****

I hope you're not intending  
To be so condescending

**It's as much as I can take  
And you're so independent  
you just refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break**

Shawn just didn't understand.

He'd never understood.

He needed Henry. He needed protection from himself.

But Henry knew it.

Since the first time Shawn climbed the monkey bars and jumped off, splitting his head open, he'd known it.

The kid had no common sense.

He never would.

He careened his way through life like a tornado, desperate to kill himself in some spectacularly stupid away.

And he certainly wasn't going to let his father stop him.

**  
But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting  
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting  
And if you chose to walk away, I'd still be right here waiting  
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting**

The minutes clicked by slowly.

Henry didn't move.

Was this is?

Would it take another three years for Shawn to come back this time?

Another three long, breathless years…waiting for the call.

The call that Shawn broke his neck on that damn bike.

Or finally pissed off the wrong guy and got himself shot.

Or drowned while scuba diving…

There were a million ways for that kid to kill himself, and Henry's mind ran through the entire list as he stood at the door and waited.

And waited…

**  
I've made a commitment  
I'm willing to bleed for you  
I needed fulfillment  
I found what I need in you**

An hour passed, and Shawn hadn't come back.

He refused to answer his phone.

Henry's stomach began to tighten.

_I can't do it again…_

_Not three years…_

_Not again…_****

**Why can't you just forgive me?  
I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made along the way**

The words echoed through Henry's head, resounding off the empty yard before him.

"I hate you."

"I hate you."

"I hate you."

_Not another three years…_

**But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting  
I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting**

Finally, Shawn's motorcycle pulled back into the driveway.

Henry was still standing, waiting.

He didn't take a step towards his son.

_He's the one who left…let him walk back…_

_I've been here. _

_Waiting. _

**  
But you always find a way  
To keep me right here waiting  
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting  
And if I chose to walk away would you be right here waiting?  
Searching for the things to say to keep me right here waiting?**

Words flooded Henry's mind as Shawn approached the door.

All the things he should say…

All the things he wanted to say…

All the things that would make it right again…

But when he opened his mouth, none of them came out.

He never could get them to come out right.

"I'm waiting, Shawn…"


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm not a perfect person**

**There's many things I wish I didn't do**

They stared at each other through the screen door, both wanting to say the same thing.

Both knowing neither would.

Both waiting for the other to speak first.

Finally, Shawn cleared his throat.

"Can I come in?"

Henry just pushed the door open with his foot and stepped aside.

But he didn't say anything.

**But I continue learning**

**I never meant to do those things to you**

**And so I have to say before I go**

**That I just want you to know**

Henry silently followed his son into the kitchen.

"What do you want, Shawn?" He asked finally, leaning against the counter.

Shawn just shrugged, antipathy still simmering somewhere behind his eyes.

"I don't know."

"Then why are you here?"

"I don't know."

"Then you're wasting my time."

"Am I?"

**I've found a reason for me**

**To change who I used to be**

**A reason to start over new**

**and the reason is you**

The question…the accusation, really…hung in the air between them.

Henry knew what he was supposed to say in response.

He knew what Shawn wanted to hear.

But he wasn't going to say it.

He couldn't say it.

**I'm sorry that I hurt you**

**It's something I must live with everyday**

**And all the pain I put you through**

**I wish that I could take it all away**

"Damn it, Shawn. What do you want from me?" He demanded finally. "Do you want me to let you kill yourself? Fine!"

"I'm not—" Shawn began, but Henry wasn't even listening.

"No. You go ahead and do whatever the hell you want. You will, anyway. You always do. But _don't_ stand there and expect me to say it's okay. _Don't_ stand there and expect me not to tell you you're an idiot."

Shawn stared up at his father, seeing something in his eyes he hadn't noticed before…something he didn't expect to see.

It wasn't anger, exactly.

It wasn't even malice or spite…

It was fear.

**And be the one who catches all your tears**

**That's why I need you to hear**

**I've found a reason for me**

**To change who I used to be**

**A reason to start over new**

**and the reason is You **

At first, Shawn didn't know how to react.

Henry saw his son watching him and quickly averted his eyes, looking down at the floor instead.

But Shawn didn't look away.

Eventually, Henry had to look back up. Shawn's eyes were still on him when he did.

"Dad, I'm not an idiot."

**I'm not a perfect person**

**I never meant to do those things to you**

**And so I have to say before I go**

**That I just want you to know**

Henry just laughed, shaking his head derisively.

"Do you want six examples off the top of my head to prove you wrong?"

"Do you want ten to prove me right?"

"You don't have ten."

"You don't have six."

**I've found a reason for me**

**To change who I used to be**

**A reason to start over new**

**and the reason is you**

Shawn sat down at the table, kicking the chair across from him out for Henry.

Henry took it.

"I mean it," Shawn insisted after a long moment, seeing his father wasn't going to say anything else. "I'm not an idiot. I'm not a moron. I'm just not you. I'm not you."

"I don't want you to be me."

"Of course you do," Shawn snorted. "You always have."

"I don't want you to be me." Henry said again, slower this time. As if he was thinking about each word before he said it.

"Then what do you want me to be, Dad?" Shawn snapped, standing up again. "Tell me! Because I sure as hell can't figure it out!"

**I've found a reason to show**

**A side of me you didn't know**

**A reason for all that I do**

**And the reason is you**

Henry just shrugged.

"Alive."


End file.
